It's been won by a woman again!

The competition at the NEC in Birmingham to find Britain's best multi-tasker has once again been won by a woman. Majorie Fordwich, a mother of five, and a three times previous winner, stunned the judges with an extraordinary display of 'doing lots of things at the same time' which even she conceded was an improvement on her winning performances of previous years.

The contest, which is open to everyone, received a record number of entrants this year and the standard was high but chairman of the judges, Doug Frenshaw, had to admit that Mrs Fordwich had simply 'left everyone in the shade'. He said 'We knew we were in for a treat as soon as she switched the kettle on. Then it was just a blur as she filled up the dishwasher, changed seventeen nappies, sorted out a better deal on her home insurance and hung out the washing and loads of other stuff, too. And how she found time to change the oil filter on the car as well before the kettle boiled I'll never know. Then she made a cup of tea and had started filling in her Tax Credit form when we asked her to stop as it was clear no-one would beat her.'

When asked about how she had prepared Mrs Fordwich just sighed and held up a picture of her five grubby little children before saying, 'Anyway, can't stand around chatting, loads to do.'

Meanwhile, in a parallel competition held in the adjacent hall, the award for 'Thinking about one thing for a long time until you sort out the problem' was once again won by a man. Vince Heldon, who is new to the competition, won with a stunning display on his chosen topic: 'Was Beckham right to go to America?'. The judges were particularly impressed with Mr Heldon's facial contortions and displays of agonising, tempered with the odd smile when he thought about American soccer in general, and were 'stunned' by the fact that it took seventeen hours to resolve the problem in Mr Heldon's mind.

'I couldn't be happier. I spent a long time in training for this with a thought about Owen Hargreaves, but this is way beyond that. It's a personal best,' said a delighted Mr Heldon, before adding; 'I have to confess though that when a very pretty young lady walked past I actually stopped for a minute and couldn't help myself thinking about sex. But don't tell the judges, eh.'

© Rob Dee 2008